you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
