I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
