dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
