He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
