I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
