Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
