she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
