Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
