he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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