So drunk its hurt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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