dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
