The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
