I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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