yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
