lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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