why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
