I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
