I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
