I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
