you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
