literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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