i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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