it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
