Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
