I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
