I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
