Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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