Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
