He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
