so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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