my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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