Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize