can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
