I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
