Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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