Whod you bang
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My balls are so social today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
