remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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