Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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