every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
