I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
