I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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