I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
