A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize