Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
