the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
