i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
