If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
