I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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