sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
