You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
