I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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