oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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