I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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