were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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