I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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