you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
