i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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