I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
