Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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