I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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