the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
