mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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