She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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