Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
