she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
