I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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