I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
