What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize