you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
