The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
