i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
